Make sure you have the funeral service you want - write it now

Make sure you have the funeral service you want - write it now

Next week is Dying Matters Week, 8 – 14 May which was established to encourage people to talk more openly about dying, death and bereavement.

Celebrant Debbie Kelly knows more than most about the business of and has officiated at hundreds of funerals, she says talking about your funeral plans will ensure you get the ceremony you want.

Debbie said: “Most people will only mention their funeral is passing - I want this song at mine, or I want everyone to wear bright colours. However, in reality having some firm instructions will not only help your loved ones but also gives you the final say in your own farewell.”

Debbie is part of a growing trend for Rochdale bereaved families to use celebrants rather than religious officiants at funerals.

“If the deceased was not particularly religious, having a church funeral can seem irrelevant or hypocritical,” said Debbie. ‘A celebrant service places the emphasis firmly on the person who has died, rather than a particular religion. It tells their story and celebrates their life and as such is a totally personal ceremony.

However, using a celebrant can also offer the best of both worlds as they can include some religious elements if the family wish. “There is a perception that a celebrant service has to be secular – but in fact – it can be whatever you want. Some families may still want a prayer, a hymn or a religious reading and they can have it.

“Only humanist celebrants won’t include religion but a civil celebrant will. Make sure you know the difference but only work with a celebrant that is linked to a professional association.”

Debbie says that working in the funeral industry is often uplifting. “Most families find the process of speaking about their loved ones quite cathartic and there is often lots of laughter as they reminisce.”

If you want to consider planning your own funeral ceremony, Debbie suggests writing down at least three pieces of music you like as well as thinking about any readings, prayers or poems that would be suitable. If you would like a friend or family member to speak, you need to ask them first and discuss what particular stories you would like them to tell.

The eulogy is the main part of the ceremony which is read by the celebrant and you could ensure this is the story you want by writing down special memories or important milestones in your life that you would like her to talk about.

Debbie adds: “It’s daft to think how much planning you put into significant birthdays, your wedding or a major anniversary, but when it comes to that final celebration of your life, it doesn’t get a second thought.

“Your funeral is the last thing that’s all about you – so, put pen to paper and think about how you would like to be remembered.”